The Bike Mechanic

Before becoming a bike mechanic, I used to tinker with bikes thinking "how hard can it be". After a few near disastrous moments on rides, it became apparent to me that things were more complex than I'd given them credit for.

Not one to let it get the better of me, I started listening to friends and other riders, as they would explain the various bits and bobs on my bike that I'd no idea about. Then, I discovered the wealth of information available on the internet.

I then learnt how to discount the nonsense that is roughly half of the internet posts, written by people with less knowledge than even myself, except no one had told them. As JFK said in his race for space speech, "the greater our knowledge increases, the greater our ignorance unfolds". My ignorance was unfolding at an alarming rate.

In the same way a cyclist suddenly "gets on top" of a gear, the light bulb above my head glowed, and it all started to make sense. I was on my way to becoming a mechanic. I started buying framesets and building up my own bikes, and this time nothing fell off. Bottom bracket standards were no problem, other than to be a baffling annoyance as to why the bike industry constantly seeks to reinvent the wheel (we won't talk about headsets, derailleur hangers, freehubs etc..., I can't afford the therapy).

Fast forward to today, and fully qualified not only to spanner a bike, but also accredit new mechanics, so you'd think the learning phase was done. I don't think any mechanic out there has seen it all, so we're still scouring the technical documents and buying new tools (in the hope we'll use them more than once and somehow get our money back on the ludicrous cost).

And then there's you guys, the customers. I need to be careful here, the last thing I need is to upset anyone.

Customers fall into a few distinct categories. Firstly, there's our favourite type of customer. These are the people who tell us that we are the experts and to crack on and do what is necessary. Not only has our ego been well and truly massaged, but it means we can just get on with what we really want to do, and that's to fix bikes and get them running as well as we can. Nice. Love you guys.

Some people might think this is the green light to getting ripped off, but all mechanics know karma is just around the corner. On the basis that we love you guys, we want you to come back, and if we rip you off, you won't. And you'll tell your friends, and the snowball will grow.

We accept, however, that not everyone can afford the luxury of getting everything as perfect as possible. Sometimes we need to look at how much life there is left in a component, so the customer can eek every last mile out if it, whilst staying safe. No problem, you're as welcome as the guys above. Realism isn't lost on us.

We now get to the bit where I could get myself into trouble. There are two types of "customer" where things get a little tense, but hopefully never heated.

"I don't want to spend much on it", whilst dumping an old knackered bike in the shop where just about every component has long been read it's last rights. "See what you can do for £50", they say. The mechanic then starts to twitch, desperate not to let on what's really going through their head. £50 gets one of the five destroyed parts working, the bike (shaped object) needs all replaced before a pedal will ever turn again. If we got the bike into tip top shape, it'll still only be worth £25 on an online marketplace. Time to politely decline the job (the diplomacy course turns out to be well worth the expense).

This then moves me on to the worst offenders, the non-mechanic who seems to think they are the expert in the room.

They've read something on the internet. Maybe tuned in to their favourite podcast.

This person will then proceed to tell the mechanic exactly what they want done to their pride and joy, and why certain things will, and won't, work. They quite often stray into the territory of the person mentioned above, because the internet article told them it was a really cheap fix and that their local bike shop will only charge 57p in labour. The moment the mechanic attempts to share their vast experience, the "expert in the room" shuts it down, normally with "facts" they read on a forum. Please, for the love of all things, don't be this guy.

The moral of this story is thus, be nice to your bike mechanic. They really do want your bike to be the best version of itself. Whilst we all appreciate it can become expensive, things cost what they cost, and livings have to be made.

Rant over.